Uninvitations

Back in the day, when I was in high school, I ran around with a large group of friends. This large group consisted of smaller groups that were tight knit and sometimes a little exclusive. These smaller groups planned little outings, to which I wasn't invited, and they had a wonderful time. How did I know I wasn't invited? Because while I was in the same room they would talk about plans and discuss things to pack and things they would do on this wonderful adventure I wasn't to be a part of. Was I offended? A couple of times, yes. Did I wish I was invited? On some of the trips, yes. Even if I had been invited and was given permission to go would I still have gone? Probably not. Do I harbor ill feelings towards these people today? NOT AT ALL! How can I harbor ill feelings when I learned something from these experiences?

Let me share my words of wisdom. First of all, just because you associate with someone or people who make plans doesn't entitle you to an invitation to be a part of those plans. If someone you know has made plans to do something and you're not invited-don't sweat it. So what? You weren't invited. Who cares why? Maybe there isn't even a reason you weren't invited. Maybe you just weren't. Don't get all bent up about it. Life is too short to worry about such trivial things. If not being invited puts your panties in a twist then make some plans of your own to fill the "good time" you think you'll be missing out on. But under no circumstances should you invite yourself. Let me say this again just to make sure that you're not reading so quickly that you missed out on one of the main points of this wisdom: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU INVITE YOURSELF.

If someone is planning a trip and you're not invited it could simply be an oversight. And if he/she talks to you about the trip and realizes you weren't invited and wants you to be there, he/she will extend an invite. If that invite is not extended you should STILL NOT INVITE YOURSELF. You don't know what the plans are. You don't know who is going to be there-maybe he/she planned a trip with someone you can't stand to be around. You don't know the financial situation. You don't know the time frame. Maybe he/she considered inviting you but decided that he/she couldn't because of obligations he/she knows you have. Maybe he/she thought he/she was being thoughtful by not tempting you with an invitation to distract you from the responsibilities life requires. The fact is, you don't know. So don't assume.

Assumption leads to hurt feelings. "He/she didn't invite me to go camping this summer! I guess we aren't as good of friends as I thought!" Assumption leads to drama "He/she didn't invite me because his/her best friend hates me and I don't even know what I did! He/she is going to have to choose. It's either the best friend or me!" Assumption leads to drastic measures "Well, if I wasn't invited to his/her party then I'm going to plan a cruise and invite everyone but him/her."

Last of all, assumption leads to offense. We learned from Elder Bednar in the October 2006 General Conference talk "And Nothing Shall Offend Them" that being offended is a choice...

"When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else."

Someone doesn't not invite you to something to hurt you, disturb you, or to cause distress. So get over your non-invite and don't give it a second thought.

Remember these three things:

1. Just because you associate with people who make plans doesn't mean you're entitled to invitation

2. Under no circumstances do you invite yourself to something you weren't originally invited to

3. CHOOSE not to be offended