Riddle me this: Why do so many males choose to not wear their wedding ring?
We all remember "The Red Bull Disaster", right? Well, I was simply hours away from repeating that experience-to some extent.
I'm currently working for Parks and Recreation in Logan and we happen to meet in the same large warehouse as all the other departments-Light & Power, Water, Streets, etc.-and last week I happened to notice a rather handsome man in the Street Department-let's call him Handsome. I decided to keep an eye on him, mostly because he was good on the eyes but also to see if there was any way I could tell whether or not he was married. He didn't wear a ring (surprise surprise) so that wasn't to be of any help.
Yesterday I confessed to my good friend, Steve, that there's a Street Department guy I've been wondering about. Today I clued him in on who Handsome was. Steve didn't know whether or not Handsome was married. I don't want to be checking out someone else's husband so Steve said he'd look into it.
On my drive home today I gave myself a little pep talk. (I tend to do that fairly often because if I don't, I will think myself out of a lot of opportunities or allow my mind to carry me to a realm that no longer resembles anything close to potential reality) "This dude is probably married so don't even start thinking about what you could say to him if you find out he's single." By the time I got home (not even 10 minutes after leaving work) I had decided there was nothing to be done about it. Steve will find out, my curiosities will be satisfied, and we'll all move on.
By the time I got out of the shower (probably 20 minutes later) I had decided that if there was an opportune time (like this morning when Handsome and I both arrived at the same time and he held the door open for me) I'd just flat out ask him if he was married. I figured I got nothing to lose-my last day is Friday. So the guy says he's married, I finish my job with Parks and Rec, and I never see him again. I could totally do this! I've been bold before. It's rare but it has been known to happen. So I had it all planned out, I was prepped and ready. I had the kahones, I had the opening line, I just needed the situation. And then Steve called me up.
Steve: "You are not going to believe what I found out!"
Me: Maybe the guy's gay or in the process of a divorce or has like six months left to live or something. "Okay, what'd you learn?"
Steve: "Well he's married."
Me: Okay, minor sting-not a big deal. You prepped yourself for that one. "Ok...?" Maybe his marriage is going down the pooper and he'll be single soon? Where is this going?!
Steve: "You know the blond lady that works at the landfill?"
And then Steve proceeded to describe this lady who apparently looks much older than Handsome and Steve just can't believe that Handsome is married to someone who looks that old because Handsome looks so darn young! Well, that's crazy because obviously I think Handsome deserves a better looking woman than that but this isn't the big deal he made it sound like it was.
Steve: "So then I learn that Handsome's wife may look old compared to him, but in reality he looks much younger than he really is."
Jalayne: "So how old IS this guy?"
Steve: "Well, ya ready for this? He has a 17 year-old daughter."
After the "You've got to be kidding me!" I was speechless. Not only does this man not wear a wedding ring to let the world know he's taken, he looks like he could be 27 when really he's probably almost 40! Handsome has a daughter that's a mere 7 years younger than me! I wasn't prepared for that one. I wondered if Steve got information about the wrong guy but 'tis not so. Handsome is not only taken but WAY out of the age range of date-ability.
So then Steve and I got to talking and wondering why so many men don't wear a wedding ring. He thinks it's dumb and I completely agree. We started thinking about the other guys we work with and realized that most of them don't wear their wedding ring. We're going to survey the situation tomorrow and see how everyone responds.
I decided that it would really bother me if my husband didn't wear his ring on a regular basis. There are exceptions-playing sports, working out-but I'd want him to wear it just about every other time. Not just to ease my mind and lessen the chances of some bold chick hitting on my man, but because I know how annoying it is for single girls to scope out guys in a crowd, spot someone attractive, notice the absence of a ring, and still not know whether the guy has a wife or not.
So here's my plea to all ringless, yet married men out there: Just wear the ring if for no other reason than simple common courtesy! Think of all those singletons out there working to build up the courage to come talk to you only to be shot down because you actually have a wife. Save us the pep talk it takes to build the courage, the effort of the actual conversation, and the embarrassment that will undoubtedly ensue. You don't like jewelry? You lost your ring? It's a safety hazard? Draw one on there every morning.
A taken finger means a taken man.
On behalf of all singleton women: Help us out-wear the ring!
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9 comments:
I understand your situation Jalayne, but I must confess that I never wear a ring. Of course I'm older and a woman and that makes quite a bit of difference. I just don't like wearing rings. On the otherhand, my husband usually does wear a ring and that hasn't stopped numerous women hitting on him in all sorts of situations. There are lots of women out there who don't care if the guy is wearing a ring or not.
Chris doesn't wear a ring if he's driving,if he's mowing the lawn,if he's golfing...and MANY other situations for the sole excuse that it "annoys" him. He usually wears it to church and work....and I think that's about it.
haha... very true. If it makes you feel better, my husband always wears his ring... everywhere he goes- except for sports and in the shower.
I'm glad you didn't have the awkward situation of actually talking to the guy and asking his marital status!!!! :)
And for those guys that don't like to wear a ring- find a light ring that won't cause much irritation- then GET USED TO IT! You're married. :)
Love ya Laners-- I enjoy reading your life account. Miss you.
Well said! I agree with you 100%. Vance's ring at first drove him CRAZY. He said it just felt weird to have it on all the time. But he knew he should wear it at school(and I insisted because I HATED it when guys didn't. And being at BYU-I. Enough said). Now he doesn't even know it's there. His is a little bit heavier ring so one can get used to it!
It's sad that there are some that still flirt and hit on the marrieds, but they know at least and so that's their choice. At least you can save the singles the embarrassment. I had PLENTY of friends that were mordified from guys not wearing their rings.
And just if you are wondering, Paul is driving me CRAZY! He better call you soon or I am going to give him a talking to (and I haven't even met him). That might be interesting. ;)
I don't even have a ring. I don't wear any jewelry, not even a watch. I just don't like it.
Like my sister, I don't like wearing rings. And, I've learned there are plenty of other cultures in our world where the ring symbology has no meaning whatsoever. In the end, it's always the individual who makes or breaks a relationship, not what jewelry he/she wears. Of course, if a ring means something to the one you love, then wearing one honors that relationship. If it doesn't matter to the one you love, then who cares about the rest of the world?!
Oh, yeah...I love it that you're blogging again. I like the feast of family blogs better than the famines. (But thank you Justin, Ashley, Kim, Clark--via Callie--and Hannah for sustaining us during the "hard times"!)
I agree that life would be more simple if all men wore their wedding rings. And in an ideal world all men would whenever possible. However, I am of the mindset that there are many legitimate reasons for a man not to wear one. Safety being number one. My grandpa lost his ring finger when his wedding ring got caught in a machine and it ripped the finger off. For that reason, my dad doesn't wear a wedding ring anywhere except fancy situations - like someone else's wedding! It may be a little difficult for single women, but I would rather spend time wondering and getting stuck in embarrassing situations if it means men get to keep their fingers!
I also don't get why it's embarassing to ask an unringed person. what you're asking is flattering, complimenting.
Just recognize you have good taste as someone else also does.
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