The Red Bull Disaster

I just returned from a wonderful trip to Arizona for Emily's wedding. It was fun to see cousins and aunts and uncles that I don't get to see on a regular basis. It was a hot reunion/wedding but it was well worth it. Lots of driving, lots of screaming babies but to trump the negatives there was lots of air conditioning, lots of swimming, lots of good food, family, and laughs. I was able to float the Salt River with Diane, Phil, Zack, Sheridan, Hannah, Caleb, Julie, Clark, Emily, Mike & Company. I was also able to do baptisms with Clark, Julie, Hannah, Caleb, and Uncle Tom in the Mesa temple. It was an all-around good time.

Tomorrow it is back to work. Back to ear plugs, gloves, grass, and weed whackers. The best part of my job though is my coworkers. I really enjoy everyone I work with. I enjoyed my coworkers last summer too but it took me a little while to feel comfortable with everyone. Since the majority of the people I work with were there last summer I had no problems fittin' right in. On the first day I remember lookin' over everyone and wondering how this summer was going to go. I scoped out the new males: looked for rings, checked out smiles, and listened to language. I found one boy in particular, Martin*, that caught my eye and I thought to myself, "I think I need to get to know that one better."

As the first week of work progressed I realized we would be working on different crews all summer, he on irrigation and me on mowing. "BUMMER! Hopefully I will get to open bathrooms with him one Saturday. That'll be at least two hours of conversation; a good ice-breaker opportunity" I thought to myself.

Friday rolled around and my boss called me into his office. "I need you to open bathrooms on Saturday." FABULOUS! "Not a problem. Who am I opening with?" I waited in anticipation and when the name Martin rolled off his lips I almost died with excitement. This is too good to be true! My boss called Martin into his office and told him we'd be opening bathrooms together the next morning. "See you at 6:30, Martin" I said. "6:30?! That's so early! You better bring treats! Or better yet, bring me a Red Bull!" We laughed and I thought to myself, "This'll be the best unlocking of bathrooms I've ever experienced."

My alarm went off on Saturday and I headed to Albertson's. I'm going to play it smooth. I bought a Red Bull, a couple of doughnuts, and a Diet Mt. Dew for myself. When I got to the Service Center I climbed into the truck and put the Red Bull in Martin's cup holder. When he saw it he exclaimed, "You really bought me a Red Bull? I was just kidding! Now I feel bad!" "Oh, not a problem. It really isn't a big deal. I was getting some stuff for myself so I thought, 'why not?'" I smoothly replied. "It's even one of the big ones. Those are expensive. I definitely owe you." "It was on sale if that makes you feel any better. It really isn't a big deal." I was starting to feel a little embarrassed about it. Luckily he just cracked it open and started drinking.

We started on the south end of town making friendly chit-chat about school and work and our interests. Conversation was easy and this guy was pretty witty. I was feeling pretty darn good about the way things were looking. We were about half-way done and on our way up Logan Canyon when I decided it was time to ask the golden question. "So you datin' anyone?" Here it comes. He's totally got a girlfriend. All the good ones are taken. "Actually, I'm married." "REALLY?!?!?! I had no idea...how long have you been married?" With a huge grin on his face he said, "Two years. We're expecting our first baby, a little girl, in October." "Awesome. That's really cool." Silence. Silence. More silence. We got to Second Dam and I went to unlock the women's restroom. I was completely baffled! I had no idea! There was not a ring on his finger and he never mentioned anything about a wife. I continued kicking myself in disbelief. Not only do I feel dumb for being so friendly and chatty but I just bought a married man a drink!

As I walked out of the bathroom I had to give myself a little pep-talk. "Ok. So that was weird. That really sucks; but you have to be smooth. Don't be awkward, don't be awkward. If he hasn't figured it out already being awkward will totally give it away. Be smooth!" We got back in the car and I continued chanting "Don't be awkward. Don't be awkward." and I asked him how he met his wife. We eventually eased back into comfortable conversation.

Weeks later we're all sitting in the break room eating lunch and one of guys asks, "Martin, what's that you wear around your neck?" "Oh, it's my wedding ring. I was only able to wear it for a few months before my fingers got too fat." Wedding rings belong on the ring finger for a reason, dude!

Although I was mortified, it makes for a good story. And I am sure he and his wife had quite a good laugh when he got home. I'm always happy to provide the entertainment.

I guess this just goes to show that it's true: all the good ones are taken.

*Name changed in order to save face