The Breakdown

A year ago around this time I had myself a little breakdown. Maybe it wasn't so little. Okay...it was HUGE (for me at least). It was on a Monday. I remember it being Dead Week (the week of no tests right before finals week) but Cassie remembers it being finals week. It doesn't matter which week it was, all that matters is that I was stressed and I had enough. It had been a bad day and I kept thinking about the tests I had to take, the packing that needed to be done, the job that needed to be found, and on, and on.

So I started packing my movies and taking apart my VHS holder. A neighbor walked in and kindly asked, "You're starting to pack already? What if someone wants to borrow a movie?" I replied in a not so friendly tone, "That's just to darn bad for them! They can figure out something else!" She asked if everything was alright and of course I told her I was fine and went right on back to shoving my movies in boxes. The movies were packed and I wasn't feeling better. It was time to move on to the next chore.

I am a fairly organized person (maybe even a little anal sometimes). Organization is usually a really good way to get out my anger and negative energy. I feel so much better once something has been organized. I decided to take out my frustrations on organizing my notebooks, folders, text books, past assignments, etc for the moving process. I started with making neat piles of "keepers" and "trash". As I sorted through notes and assignments, I got angrier and angrier. More and more went into the trash pile as I thought "This semester is over! I don't need all this garbage! Why in the world did I keep it all for so long?!"

A little while later Cassie returned from FHE. She was just a little disturbed by what she found. My neat piles were not so neat. I had given up on the piles completely. Everything I wanted was set to the side. Everything I was done with was thrown over my head scattered on the floor behind me. Hesitantly Cassie asked "Is everything okay? Can I do anything for you?" I answered as calmly as possible and Cassie just sat and watched. A few minutes later (probably after she had built up enough courage) she asked "Are we still having people over to watch a movie?" (we had planned a movie night for whoever wanted to come) "Oh you bet! I'll be done here shortly; definitely before people come."

People began to arrive and papers were still being thrown. At this point I had started laughing at myself but I was having so much fun and feeling so good I just didn't want to stop. Eventually I had plowed through everything I could possibly get through so we watched "Night at the Museum" on top of my old notes and assignments. We opened candy and didn't even bother using a garbage can. What was the point? The place needed to be cleaned anyway.

Once the movie was over, I wasn't quite tired. Jake stopped looked in and asked what the heck had happened. I told him I had a little breakdown but I was feeling better. He thought it would be fun to throw some of my stuff into the fan, so that's what we did. We created a bigger mess.

Then we decided to try throwing other things into the fan. We tried a slinky.

And we tried Cassie's bra.

We had some pretty good laughs and then it got old. Jake suggested driving to Second Dam to blow stuff up. Cassie and I got really excited and then Jake backed out. Nate came to the rescue! He built a little bomb for us!

We drove to second dam and blew up a milk jug, a soda can, the Lip Slut Award (which I have never even come close to winning, mind you) and one of my notebooks. It was a grand time. It was my first time doing anything like this and I must say, it was quite the release.

This year isn't as eventful. All but one of my classes finish this week. I hate writing papers and creating portfolios, but I do love only have one final exam during finals week. It's been a pretty stress-free semester as far as school work goes. Thinking about last year gives me a pretty good laugh. I have never felt as crazy as I felt that night. I let loose, looser than I had ever felt before. I even left the mess in my apartment for a whole day. For me, that's UNHEARD OF! What can I say? It was a breakdown. Sometimes finals'll do that to ya.